Ring Lardner
Chicago Tribune/October 13, 1914
Stealing George’s Stuff
The manufacturer of Breakfast Food rode downtown with us from yesterday’s game. A bug on the car asked how the World’s series game came out.
“Boston won, 5 to 4,” said another bug.
“Then why didn’t they announce it on the xylophone?” inquired Bug No. 1.
“Because,” cut in George, “they never use that instrument for anything but t play ‘Poet and Peasant’ and ‘William Tell.”
Indisputable Assertions
Vic Saier would have had a home run in the sixth if Larry McLean had been playing center field for the White Sox.
The bat used by Frank Schulte yesterday was not the one he used on Sunday.
In Defense of the Prophets
To the infinite delight of their friends, the baseball writers who picked the Athletics to win the world’s series are being “shown up,” and almost all baseball writers who picked at all picked the Athletics.
The series isn’t over yet, but the Braves seem certain to win, and if they do the prophets will have to stand for even more kidding than they are getting.
The baseball writers didn’t make predictions as to the outcome because they wanted to; they did it because their bosses so ordered. And almost all of them played the safer game and picked the better team.
“How,” say the baseball writers’ friends, trying hard to conceal smiles of superior wisdom, “how can you guys call the Athletics the better team when they’ve been beaten three straight?”
The baseball writers don’t answer, as a rule, because it is easier to let their friends have the last word than to try to hammer into said friends’ heads information which they don’t want and are too smart to believe. But when one of the baseball writers is foolish enough to explain, he does so thus:
“The better team does not always win a short series. The St. Louis Browns have been known to win three out of four from the Athletics. In the fall of 1909 the White Sox, a vastly inferior club, won four out of five from the Mackmen on the latter team’s home grounds andput them out of the pennant race.
“Sometimes the better team wins the world’s series and sometimes it does not. The White Sox of 1906 certainly were not a 2 to 1 better team than the Cubs, and yet the White Sox won twice as many games in the series. The Cubs of 1907 and 1908 were better than the Detroit Tigers, but it is extremely doubtful that the Pirates of 1909 were better than Detroit.
“The better team is the one that can and does play better ball week in, week out. The Braves trailed in the National League race for the first two months of the season. They won three games out of the first twenty-five or so. They—”
The smart friend interrupts.
“They hadn’t got going yet.”
“And,” says the writer, “the Athletics haven’t got going yet. But frankly, do you think the Athletics could ever slump enough to trail the National League for two months?”
But the friend refuses to be frank. Moreover, he hasn’t time to think anything except the writer is a rummy and an ignoramus.
In conclusion: If you do know anything about baseball, brother, ask yourself these questions:
- Would you trade McInnis for Schmidt?
- Would you trade Schang for Gowdy?
- Would you trade Collins for Evers?
- Would you trade Baker for Deal or Smith or both?
- Would you trade Murphy, Oldring, Strunk and Walsh for Moran, Devore, Connolly, Mann, Whitted, Cather, etc., etc.?
- Do you think the Braves could have won the National League pennant with this year’s Athletics in the National league?
And having answered yourself truthfully these queries, lay off’n us guys. We’re trying to have a good time and you’re trying not to let us.
The Archive 