Ring Lardner
Salt Lake Tribune/January 5, 1919
AN investigator for this column found New Year’s eve joy unconfined at the Hotel du Paragon, 748 Buena avenue. As he entered the dive at about 6 p.m., three young men, none of them 21 years of age, but all maudlin, made a rush for him. Two of them held him by the knees while the third snatched an evening paper from his hand. The investigator kept his temper, freed himself from the grasp of the young hoodlums and went to the checkroom to remove his wrap. When he entered the dance hall, too young men were lying on the floor, kicking each other, while a third stood on the piano bench, giggling insanely.
AT 6:30, the investigator went into the café, and was invited to sit at a table for five. There was one lady in the party. She drank water, but her three escorts took drink after drink of milk. None of the revelers wore evening dress. The three young men had on their night clothes and one of them kept kicking off his suppers and laughing as if he thought it the height of comedy. The other two were continually leaving their chairs and running round the table, shouting at the top of their voices. The lady with them did not seem to approve their conduct and repeatedly warned them that they would be put out unless they remained quietly in their seats. The one who had had so much fun with his slippers finally dropped off to sleep in his chair and had to be carried from the café. This was about 7 o’clock. At the conclusion of dinner the other two returned to the dance room and began raising Cain, but the management would not stand for it and ordered them out. At 8 o’clock there was but one couple left in the dive and at 8:30 the lady had had enough and retired. The rest of the party reveled for two more hours with a typewriter and then the proprietor closed up.
This Terrible War
By Private Slaughter, 336th Labor Battalion (colored), A. T. S. Docks, Marseilles, France. Author of “The Saving of France,” “Slacker, Slacker, in Your Big Arm Chair,” etc.
We sailed the ocean deep and blue;
We come to pay a debt was true;
We came because President Wilson did say,
Go and pay the debt for the good old U.S.A.
He said go on soldiers over San Juan Hill
And bring me back old Kaiser Bill.
Go on over with a smile
And drive the Germans back many a mile.
We went over to take a chance;
We have saved the country of France.
We went over none did drag;
We have held the record for our dear old flag.
There were many boys from New Jersey and Savannah.
We made the kaiser’s boys whistle star spangle banner.
We ran them over the hills far and astray.
They said we can’t whip the boys of the U.S.A.
We ran them out of their trench.
They said if U.S.A. had not come we could whip the French.
Kaiser said President Wilson is boss
That’s why we Germans lost.
They had no sympathy or mirth.
God rules heaven and President Wilson rules the earth.
The Archive 