Spartanburg Herald/October 3, 1940
Faces About Town: Martha Raye, the girl with The Mouth, Bert Gordon, the guy with The Ears and Milton Berle, the gink with The Nose (“The Great Profool”) at adjoining tables in The Brown Derby . . . Maxie Baer, whose streak of kayoes is winning okays, at the Riviera . . . Dorothy Thompson in Reuben’s spouting anti-Axis, logic like bullets from a Thompson submachine gun . . . A chorine, pouring her woes into Desi Arnaz’s good ear at Leon & Eduardo’s—because, one presumes, Desis never tell . . Rudy Vallee, the Pud’n Head, at the 5th Avenoo Automat, on his diet of rice pudding, custard pudding and tapioca pudding. All at once! . . . Harry James, the torrid trumpeter, whose swing crew via CBS rates Big-Time attention . . . Mickey Roony and Al Jolson, The New Generation and Father Time—breaking box-office records . . . Glamour bwoy, Shar-lee Bwoyay, ankling up Broadway.
Sallies In Our Alley: At the Riviera the other night Milt Berle, who recently had his schnozzle prettied (in case you’re an Out-of-Towner) danced by Eddie Cantor’s table with pretty Joyce Matthews of the Jolson hit . . . “Don’t you wish,” clowned Berle, “that you had my youth, Eddie?” . . . “All I can say to that crack,” niftied Cantor, “is that I never had MY face lifted!” . . . In Lum Fung’s they were gabbing about the reopening of Saroyan’s “Time of Your Life” . . . “The only thing I don’t understand,” said a wag, “is why they revived the play instead of the critics!”
Broadway Blah-Blah: Christine Fischer, the walking fashion plate, with a new style trick: Four huge orchids pinned to her lid . . . Mark Hawley over at WOR must be a Willfie booster. Took a swell FDR gag and changed it in favor of Willkie Mondayem . . . Dan Parker’s 14-karat tribute to Damon Runyon: “His fame has become worldwide, but his hat-band hasn’t” . . . Monte Carlo has abolished the couvert charge racket. Instead, drink fees have been tilted . . .Sig Buchmayr, an Austrian connected with Lanz of Salzburg, a Madison Avenoo shoppe, is going to get such a surprise. Ach! . . . Helen Charleston, known to Tune Pan Alley for her loyalty to one of its late favorites, married a rich San Franciscan in Yuma . . . Ed Wynn will be a grandpop soon . . . That former star mentioned yesterday as getting her notice from a café comic won’t be fired. Max Schmeling’s job with the German Army is training parachute troops to dive, and Eddie Duchin thinks that’s the logical task for a former opponent of Joe Louis.
Midtown Vignette: He has been hacking in midtown Manhattan for 25 years . . . Never anything but a horse-drawn carriage . . . One of the most mellow of the old-timers in the town . . . The other dawning a devoted couple, who moved from here to Baltimore some time ago, were doing New York . . . “Let’s take a carriage ride around Central Park,” she suggested. After circling the park she asked the old-timer: “Must we take a cab to go back to our hotel or can you take us there?” . . . “Oh, yes mum,” he said, “be glad to” . . . She instructed he drive to the Waldorf-Astoria . . . As he passed 50th Street (where the hotel is since it moved from 34th) the gal nudged her husband and said “Let’s see how far this fellow goes. Thinks we are out of town suckers, I suppose, and will soak us plenty” . . . When the hack neared the Waldorf’s old scene, the girl said: “Where are you taking us?” . . . The old timer looked up at the Empire State Building, realized his absentmindedness, and snapping his fingers, said: “Gosh, I always forget!”
Sounds in the Night: At Ruban Bleu: “It’s a love-match—nothing to nothing” . . . At Spivy’s Roof: “I’ve never seen her in a gown that could keep a secret” . . . At The Hungaria: “She’s got a disposition that only a Sugar Daddy could sweeten” . . . At The Pago Pago: “She’s gotta pretty figure that would cost a pretty figure if you’re doing any figuring” . . . At Lindy’s: “Terrific with money. Whenever he goes on a spending spree he buys Government bonds” . . . At The Mayan: “He’s tall, dark and conscriptive” . . .At LaConga: “He always has the role of a romantic sailor. A sweetheart in every Part” . . . At Ruby Foo’s Den: “All the Nazis in the U.S. oughta get the Bum’s Reich!” . . .At The Beachcomber: “She’s the sort of gal you can introduce to your mother—but not to your father” . . . At the Queen Mary: “She’s so beautiful and dumb, they call her Venus De Minus” . . . In The Stork: “She’s a show-gal. A pretty doll and pretty dull.”
New Yorchids: The Havana’Madrid’s Estela and Papo—“Begin the Beguinexperts” . . . The “Sons of the Purple Sage: plus June Bently at the Sutton on E. 56th Street. Corking singing instrumentalists . . . Aleida Johanson at Club Cuba—a Cuban-Swede! . . . Warner’s “Knute Rockne-All American”—Swelleluloid . . . Magistrate Curran’s Ohenryesque stories in his book: “Manhattan Court” . . . The New Helen Hayes CBS dramasterpieces . . .Jimmy Dorsey’s Decca-ration of “Once in a Lovetime.”
Manhattan Murals: The Philip Morris program studio where the commercials are long and loud about the ciggie’s merits. But the signs everywhere in the studio read: “No Smoking!” . . . The sign in the garment center: “These hands” . . . Wilson’s newest swelectric sign at 46th Street—nearly finished. Colored fountains shooting up real water . . . The husky blonde who flattened a fresh stranger with one sock at 45th and Broadway Friday eve’g . . .Sign in an uptown grocer’s window: “Go Democratic. Buy our New Dill pickles!”
Memos of a Midnighter: Orson Welles’ lawyer and Stella Ardler, the stage actress, are giving each other the Heart-foot . . . Billy Bernice of the Ed Wynn show and A. Hertz are expected to announce their betrothal soon. He’s the millionaire chief of the Hygeia Straws . . . A. Woollcott returns for the season, feeling fitter, in a few weeks . . . Lynn Fontanne will recite Alice Duer Miller’s poem, “The White Cliffs of Dover,” on NBC, Sunday, the 13th . . . Controversy going on about Collier’s front cover showing a Dachsund wearing the American flag. (Many criticize, while others contend that many dogs on soap boxes in Union Square and Columbus Circle also drape themselves for protection with the same colors . . . Ward Morehouse calls his new play: “U.S. 90” . . . Resumes colyuming Monday . . .Repartee of The Week: Mr. Peenkus asked his neighbor, Mr. Meffofsky: “How do you like the new Axis with Berlin, Rome and Japan?” . . To which Mr. Meffofsky shrugged and replied: “Mine frand. Ven bizzinezz is good—you dun’t take him new partners.”
(Source: Google News, https://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=SFOYbPikdlgC&dat=19401003&printsec=frontpage&hl=en)
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