On Broadway

Walter Winchell

Spartanburg Herald-Journal/April 1, 1940

Finis

And so we come to anger at the last. . .

We two, the loving and the strong in heart,

Dulled with the hunger of the days apart,

Work to forget, and so deny the past.

 

This was our past: a time of hope and laughter

Running together, sure and safe and proud,

Rapt in each other, blanketed in cloud

Bright when we met, and grey the hours after.

 

This is our present. Spring that tastes of dust.

Delay and caution take the place of joy.

Smothered in silence that the wise employ

When dealing with a world they do not trust.

 

Now we are angry that our love is strong.

It starves so slowly, and it hurts so long.

                                                –SYLVIA

 

The Retort Proper

In Reuben’s last night, a playwright whose show we rapped was returning the scallions: “How can Winchell understand my play,” he argued, “considering that he got out of school in the 6th grade?”

“Yeh,” drawled one of the faster thinkers, “he never studied Greek!”

Sound In The Night

Georgia Sothern in La Conga: “Cupid is that little fellow who goes around teasing people with his bow and arrogance.”

Naturally!

They were gabbing about the Woolworth stores taking over the latest night club flop on Broadway—the Int’l Casino.

“But that can’t be true!” said one café owner. “why, Billy Rose and Nicky Blair are supposed to operate it”

“Oh, sure,” was the airy retort, “they’re going to sell bracelets.”

Ho, Hum

Funny thing. Lillian Roth is in love with the man who socked her. But when she reads a little criticism about herself in a column she gets mad!

Sensayuma

They tell of the honor student, fresh from college, who couldn’t land a job because of his faith.

Finally one firm relented enough to let him fill out an application, and he got the job. Not because of his school grades, but his sense of humor. When he came to “Religion?” he wrote: “Obstacle!”

The Morning Mail

“Dear Walter,” writes Fiorello LaGuardia, the town mayor, “You certainly have drawing power. Your item about the kind hearted cop who feeds the pigeons near the University Club has been sent in to me by different people from as far away as Oregon and California. More power to you! I am glad to send these clippings to Commissioner Valentine.”

The Hicktown News-Press

Tony DeMarco, of Perona’s bar and grill, and Desi Arnaz, the pretty boy from over at the nickelodeon, had quite a tiff 6 a.m. last Sabbath. Tony took a sock at Desi, who happened to be showing Tony’s wife some new steps. But the big story is about the two teeth that were knocked out and the eye that was blacked, which a nice paint job seems to hide very well.

Lois Andrews’ maw is having her notary look over Lem Jessel’s Mexican divorce from Normy Talinadge. Seems like these two young folks are really serious. So let them be. They sure deserve each other.

Abner Mantle, the critic feller, was in a cranky state the other eve’g when “Liliom” came to the opry house. Give it 2 ½ stars. Shucks, man. The gal in it named Ingrid Bergman shoulda got 2 ½ stars just for herself!

The Critics Circle’s G. J. Nathan says ye ed and Bub Benchley won’t be allowed to vote for best play this year, because we loafed too much . . . Zeke Anderson, our jovial and genial competitor over at the Junnel, says George don’t know the rules. Fast is Bub and ye ed can vote on shows we’ve seen, and so it seems like there’ll be quite a spat at Town Hall next meeting.

Dick Maney, who gets pieces in the papers for the actors and the new attractions which come to the op’ry house, had quite a row with the Censorship Dept of our rival, The Times. It was over ye ed’s write up of Gil Miller’s scarey hit, “Ladies in Retirement.” We said: “Go to see it and get the hell scared out of you!” and my, my, how the Times’ censors hemmed and hawed and fretted and fretted until Dick said run as is or the hell with you!

Seems that Postmaster Farley might buy the Yanks. Well, that’s better than running for President. With the Yanks you’re sure of winning.

Oh, Fiddle-Dee-Dee

Mark Sullivan is one of the political columnists who thinks the New Deal is ruining the country. But in his March 27th col’m he claims that unemployment has taken a sharp drop.

Since when do you ruin a country by giving more jobs?

Incidentally

Sokolsky in the N.Y. Herald Tribune claims that the New Deal is a dictatorship—and in the same column he boasts about the freedom with which he exercises his civil rights.

Civil rights and dictatorship at the same time?

Have a Debunker

Lucius Beene devoted a stout paragraph to berating the commercialism and over-publicizing of 5th Avenue’s Easter Parade. Luke was especially irked by the coach and four hired by a radio station for its “On-the-Spot” broadcast.

However, on Easter Sunday, when the coach and four came along, right in the middle getting his share of the advertising and the broadcast was Mr. B.

Our Dizzy Dept

On Sunday the New York Daily News editorially suggested that we give Europe some of our battleships in exchange for their art.

On Monday, the same editorial page’s theme song is “Two Ships for One!”

Picturesque Reporting

Harold Wade in a letter to the Times-Dispatch, Richmond, Va.: “It is said that ‘a halo has to slip only six inches to become a noose’—a hero less than that to become a nuisance” . . . The Mirror’s caption under a shot of James Cromwell: “His Speech Raises Hull.”

Form Of Sarcasm

Readers Digest offers Oklahoma City’s honey of a safety slogan, to wit: “Drive Slow, Help Keep Our Streets Clean.”

By Way Of Report

Another good reason why a columnist should go to night clubs to dance instead of to sit at a table: Out on the dance floor, you’re safer from the bores.

(Source: Google News, https://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=SFOYbPikdlgC&dat=19400401&printsec=frontpage&hl=en)